🔗 Share this article

Encountering denial, particularly when it happens repeatedly, is anything but enjoyable. A publisher is turning you down, delivering a firm “No.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I commenced proposing manuscripts half a century past, right after college graduation. From that point, I have had two novels declined, along with nonfiction proposals and countless essays. Over the past two decades, specializing in commentary, the refusals have only increased. On average, I get a setback multiple times weekly—adding up to over 100 each year. Cumulatively, rejections in my profession number in the thousands. By now, I could have a advanced degree in rejection.

But, does this seem like a self-pitying rant? Absolutely not. Because, finally, at the age of 73, I have embraced being turned down.

By What Means Have I Managed It?

A bit of background: Now, nearly every person and others has given me a thumbs-down. I haven’t counted my win-lose ratio—it would be very discouraging.

For example: not long ago, a newspaper editor rejected 20 pieces one after another before approving one. A few years ago, over 50 book publishers rejected my book idea before someone accepted it. Subsequently, 25 literary agents rejected a nonfiction book proposal. An editor suggested that I send my work only once a month.

My Phases of Rejection

When I was younger, every no hurt. It felt like a personal affront. I believed my writing being rejected, but myself.

Right after a piece was rejected, I would begin the phases of denial:

• Initially, disbelief. Why did this occur? How could these people be blind to my skill?
• Next, denial. Maybe they rejected the wrong person? This must be an oversight.
• Then, dismissal. What can they know? Who made you to judge on my labours? It’s nonsense and their outlet is poor. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, irritation at those who rejected me, followed by self-blame. Why would I put myself through this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, negotiating (preferably accompanied by false hope). What does it require you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, despair. I’m no good. Worse, I can never become any good.

This continued for decades.

Great Precedents

Of course, I was in good company. Stories of authors whose manuscripts was at first turned down are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all renowned author was originally turned down. Since they did overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. Many American leaders over the recent history had been defeated in elections. Sylvester Stallone estimates that his script for Rocky and desire to appear were turned down repeatedly. He said rejection as an alarm to motivate me and get going, rather than retreat,” he stated.

Acceptance

Then, as I reached my 60s and 70s, I achieved the last step of rejection. Understanding. Today, I grasp the multiple factors why an editor says no. To begin with, an editor may have already featured a comparable article, or have something in progress, or just be contemplating something along the same lines for another contributor.

Or, more discouragingly, my idea is of limited interest. Or maybe the evaluator feels I lack the credentials or reputation to succeed. Or is no longer in the field for the work I am offering. Maybe didn’t focus and scanned my submission too quickly to recognize its quality.

Feel free call it an awakening. Everything can be declined, and for numerous reasons, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Many explanations for denial are forever out of your hands.

Your Responsibility

Additional reasons are your fault. Honestly, my proposals may sometimes be flawed. They may be irrelevant and impact, or the message I am struggling to articulate is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe an aspect about my grammar, notably commas, was annoying.

The point is that, in spite of all my long career and setbacks, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve authored several titles—my first when I was middle-aged, my second, a memoir, at retirement age—and over 1,000 articles. Those pieces have featured in publications large and small, in diverse sources. My first op-ed ran decades ago—and I have now written to various outlets for half a century.

However, no bestsellers, no signings publicly, no appearances on TV programs, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no national honor. But I can more easily accept no at 73, because my, small successes have cushioned the stings of my frequent denials. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all today.

Educational Rejection

Setback can be educational, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s indicating. Otherwise, you will probably just keep interpreting no’s all wrong. So what teachings have I learned?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What